8 Most Awkward situations I usually find myself in.

Just the other day I attended a 'Family' party. We all know how exciting these are (yawn). Anyway, I was dragged to this pit of hell by my mother with the promise that I wouldn't have to attend another party the next week. I winced just at the thought of not accepting this deal. So off I went to the place where awkward conversations are not just necessary but quite normal. And even though it's been twenty two years since my birth my relatives are still trying to figure out whether I look more like my mother or my father. Anyway, I took a seat in the far corner of the hall hoping to escape any more cheek pinching hands and judging eye glares and wondered if  anything could be more awkward than the current situation I was in at that point. Turns out there are:

                                      

1. In elevators: Every time I step into a lift and it decides to stop at the floor below,  my gum just gets lodged into my throat. I just never know how to behave. Do I stand in front of the person? I really want to look at my reflection in the mirror behind, will it make the other people uncomfortable? Let me ask them how their day was? Why did I just sound like a duck?
I think it's because secretly we are all guilty. But why? I mean it completely makes sense why humans with perfectly working hands and legs would need carriers to move up and down.

2.When your underwear gets stuck in your butt in a public place: How many times have you gone to the toilet while shopping in a mall just to free your bum. And if you are extremely confident then you probably just did it while shopping putting the people behind you in an awkward position. Most times the washroom, or just any quiet and lonely place is so hard to find that you try to pluck your underwear out by just squirming in it.

3. Mistaking a shopper for the salesperson: Remember those days when you would accidentally dress up in black just like the sales girls at Forever 21 and then get asked  if you had size 12 in the same color. That's when you promise yourself never to wear a black tee with black jeans ever again. It was a bad idea to begin with. On the other hand maybe you mistook someone. In that case, RUN!

4. Forgetting the name of the person you met last week and bumped into again today: It doesn't even have to be last week it could even be last night, some people just don't leave any sort of lasting impression on you. However, letting them know that by even forgetting their name is well sort of awkward.

5. Describing someone as 'that fat girl' to your slightly overweight friend: Now I'm all for all sizes and shapes but sometimes when your friend asks for a description of your professor or even your hairdresser and you can't seem to remember their name (See #4) then physical descriptions do help a lot. Just remember who you are talking to and who you are trying to describe. Sometimes there is a correlation.

6. Telling your mom you are not on Facebook only to receive a friend request from her the next day: 'Pshh Facebook, too mainstream for me', you shrug and tell your mother, secretly wondering how she heard of the website you practically live on.This is one of the reasons why I am no longer active on Facebook, that is besides the obsession with the self it advocates for.

7. Agreeing with your friends when they hate on Justin Beiber music and then get caught singing along to 'Baby Baby': Guilty. Very guilty. You know those things you know you shouldn't do because people you care about will be disappointed in you. Yeah, this is worse than that. Do not give into your desires.

8. When your grandmother walks in on you when the only sexual scene in the entire movie is being played on your TV: So you decide to watch a non cheesy- war-action kind of a movie and your grandmother pops in but you don't pause the movie because you know, you are confident that you are safe. And then without a warning it appears on the screen. The 'oohs' and 'aahs' filling in the awkward silence just makes it worse.

And just as I try to think of a more awkward situation I could be in just to make myself feel better I see an old relative approaching. I should have spent all that time thinking of escape routes from awkward situation. Maybe another time.

All the queen's men....

Television shows are on an all time high, be it Indian, American or British though I don't really enjoy Indian T.V. shows very much. Almost every show starts off with a poor girl with a big heart and a small dream(puke), throw in a rich guy, some evil people that could range from her mother in law to the milkman, add some extreme drama, thunder and crazy ass music and voila you've made yourself a bad tasting Indian T.V. show.

American T.V shows on the other hand take a group of normal citizens, sprinkle some glamour on them and add designer clothes alongwith boy candies to make you crave for the next episode. Not long before you realize that the boy candies are homosexuals, the acting is way below par and the storyline is just way too cheesy. Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl and Vampire Diaries are shows that made me feel that way. 

On the other hand there are some highly unrealistic but very interesting shows that have my loyalty for years. More for the men than anything else.

5. Dexter Morgan : He is one of the sweetest blood analyst/ murderer that you'll ever come across. I highly doubt that I'd ever want to come across him, some good things are best viewed from afar. He's torn between living in his past that leads him to kill people and moving on into the future where he yearns to have a family. It's something that we all face at some point in our lives, not that we have to choose between murdering our siblings, relatives and random wrong doers in the neighborhood (The feeling is sometimes hard to hold back) or living peacefully and normally. But we all have to at some point stop chasing our past for all the wrong that happened then and allow new people and experiences to change us in a positive way. 

4. Phil Dunphy : The ideal dad and the ideal husband. He is so smart and stupid at the same time it makes me swoon. Apart from his (un)cool lingo and his swan like posture due to all the cherleading apparently, he would be a nice person to have around. He's like a young boy trapped in the body of a man who loves Disneyland, that episode actually made me cry. One can actually be too old to sit on their rides. However, what I find  hilarious is how he is so weird around his mother in law, Gloria Delgado.

3. Dean & Sam Winchester : I clubbed the two as one person because one is boring without the other. Some days I'm Team Dean others I'm Team Sam. Though I think I prefer (the devil bloodless) Sam over Dean. I absolutely adore how they whack ghost bums out of houses and people's bodies with such gusto. The sarcasm in the show is epic, I could totally get along with these guys. The brothers as a pair on paper seem as bad as a hobo in a limousine but its amazing how they find in themselves to accept their differences and look beyond each others shortcomings.

2. Chandler Bing : The queen king of sarcasm. He makes funny double up in laughter. I've never come across anyone that can make me laugh so hard, the way he walks, talks and thinks is just hilarious. He is not afraid to make goofy expressions that make him look like a retard, I sometimes wonder with the way he moves his hands and legs if there are actually bones there. If there was one brain that I could sit inside and investigate it would have to be his, it must be a fun fest in there. He is the most realistic version of a man I'd want to live with.

1.Harvey Specter : This introduction requires some crazy ass Indian T.V. show music. Harvey Specter is the classic egoistic and fair self made man who sometimes comes across as snobbish. He is handsome, even with those black things above his left eyebrow which seem like a fashion accessory if anything. As an employee and as a colleague he might often come across as selfish and arrogant but as a friend he is quite loyal and trusting, he believes in second chances which is why he hired his big brained part time con man associate. I believe in second chances too, you never know who you might save from drowning.

If I were a boy I'd be a combination of Harvey and Chandler, or you could say what my ideal man should be like.

Until I find him I'll keep myself happy by watching these television shows.

The brain has no muscles, yet it exercises amazingly well.

The lazy habit of thinking. I actually think of it as lazy, because I often find myself resorting to it when I am absolutely bored or disinterested. Here's what I think are the top 8 places where sloths like me juice our brain.

8. While watching mindless television : I think this sort of television is aimed at an audience that can't or doesn't want to think, but in fact it makes people think. Most of the times I end up worrying for the sanity of people on these shows especially the reality tv shows.Sigh.

7.Traffic/Queues : The excruciating pain we go through while standing in line or waiting in traffic. All sorts of sadistic thoughts pass by my mind like, why couldn't these people bang each other's cars after I passed by? Or, I wish I could shoot the people in front of me and walk over their corpses to the beginning of the line. 

6.Family functions : How did I allow myself to walk into the torture room. However, thanks to the fake giggles, outrageous ice breakers ,small talk and amazing food I never run out of entertaining thoughts, especially when it involves someone falling down and dragging another along with them.True story.

5.Exams : While studying for them or writing them suddenly things seem a lot interesting. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep or the fact that everything interesting is timed by God to match your exam timetable, but I just cannot keep my mind on my books. Suddenly the color of my walls, shape of my sister's toe and the minute particles dancing in my balcony seem quite entertaining.

4. Salon/Barber : Takes my mind to the relaxing and imaginative beaches of Maldives, especially while having a haircut or a manicure. Definitely not while waxing or threading, I'm just concentrating on PAIN then. So I'm in Maldives enjoying my vacation, and 'snap', suddenly I'm asked to tilt my head in an extremely awkward position. After that all I can think about is how my haircut has turned out.

3.Before sleeping : Darkness, quiet and loneliness, best time to talk to self. Most of my life's decisions essentially the bad ones are made at night. I usually sing myself to sleep, most people I've heard cry themselves to it. I also keep worrying about the monster who lives under my bed ready to grasp my feet even if a small portion of my toe is visible to it.

2.While sleeping : It so happens that my brain refuses to do what it's supposed to at night, sleeping of course. Amusing though is the fact that the answers to all the hard problems on my exam I had that morning occur to me when I'm supposed to be half dead. Then again maybe, it was my classroom where I was half dead. Hmm. 

1.Bathroom/Toilet/Inspiration space : Ever heard of Archimedes, he's the man who discovered the "Archimedes Principle"  in a bathroom while he was taking a bath. Apparently he ran naked in the streets screaming Eureka on his discovery. Just like Archimedes, most of my amazing thoughts are formulated in the bathtub or for most people on the toilet seat, hopefully nobody leaves their unfinished job in the toilet and makes a run for it in excitement. As a matter of fact I've finished this entry in my washroom.

P.S. for those interested Archimedes principle states that a body immersed in a fluid experiences a buoyant force equal to the weight of the fluid it displaces.Food for thought, something you can think about in one of the above mentioned places.