Trapped. In situations, I promised myself never to be in. In relationships, I had no say in. With people, I should always have stayed away from. In a love, I can't get out of.
Trapped, what if I am, in this perpetually dark and dingy space for the finite lifetime I've been gifted with. What if in time, I am too accustomed to the darkness to care about the light at its end.
Trapped are the words between my lips, slyly slipping in situations I lose myself in. But I don't think you catch them, I am afraid you never will.
Trapped, here in this moment with you. I stare, at your golden skin, shining in the tunnel that now I've come to realize is actually beaming. I stare harder, hoping you can feel my eyes bleeding with love, waiting to be returned. So you stare, stare back at me. But I'm too afraid to see what awaits me. By the time I gather the courage to look at you, you've looked away. And I find myself in shackles again.
I can feel it tearing at me, gathering strength, despite my every attempt to dilute it with indifference. My eyes are drooping, failing and falling. I let them be since I've learned through experience that there are certain things you can see only behind closed lids. People your open eyes yearn to see. Feelings your skin alive, yearns to feel. And its thoughts like these that make the blood rush to my mind, keep me awake night after night.
Through all these disconnected thoughts and barely exciting days, through the sea- saw of emotions and spring and rain, once I make it, I'll break these fetters of emotions and find my way to you.