The brain has no muscles, yet it exercises amazingly well.

The lazy habit of thinking. I actually think of it as lazy, because I often find myself resorting to it when I am absolutely bored or disinterested. Here's what I think are the top 8 places where sloths like me juice our brain.

8. While watching mindless television : I think this sort of television is aimed at an audience that can't or doesn't want to think, but in fact it makes people think. Most of the times I end up worrying for the sanity of people on these shows especially the reality tv shows.Sigh.

7.Traffic/Queues : The excruciating pain we go through while standing in line or waiting in traffic. All sorts of sadistic thoughts pass by my mind like, why couldn't these people bang each other's cars after I passed by? Or, I wish I could shoot the people in front of me and walk over their corpses to the beginning of the line. 

6.Family functions : How did I allow myself to walk into the torture room. However, thanks to the fake giggles, outrageous ice breakers ,small talk and amazing food I never run out of entertaining thoughts, especially when it involves someone falling down and dragging another along with them.True story.

5.Exams : While studying for them or writing them suddenly things seem a lot interesting. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep or the fact that everything interesting is timed by God to match your exam timetable, but I just cannot keep my mind on my books. Suddenly the color of my walls, shape of my sister's toe and the minute particles dancing in my balcony seem quite entertaining.

4. Salon/Barber : Takes my mind to the relaxing and imaginative beaches of Maldives, especially while having a haircut or a manicure. Definitely not while waxing or threading, I'm just concentrating on PAIN then. So I'm in Maldives enjoying my vacation, and 'snap', suddenly I'm asked to tilt my head in an extremely awkward position. After that all I can think about is how my haircut has turned out.

3.Before sleeping : Darkness, quiet and loneliness, best time to talk to self. Most of my life's decisions essentially the bad ones are made at night. I usually sing myself to sleep, most people I've heard cry themselves to it. I also keep worrying about the monster who lives under my bed ready to grasp my feet even if a small portion of my toe is visible to it.

2.While sleeping : It so happens that my brain refuses to do what it's supposed to at night, sleeping of course. Amusing though is the fact that the answers to all the hard problems on my exam I had that morning occur to me when I'm supposed to be half dead. Then again maybe, it was my classroom where I was half dead. Hmm. 

1.Bathroom/Toilet/Inspiration space : Ever heard of Archimedes, he's the man who discovered the "Archimedes Principle"  in a bathroom while he was taking a bath. Apparently he ran naked in the streets screaming Eureka on his discovery. Just like Archimedes, most of my amazing thoughts are formulated in the bathtub or for most people on the toilet seat, hopefully nobody leaves their unfinished job in the toilet and makes a run for it in excitement. As a matter of fact I've finished this entry in my washroom.

P.S. for those interested Archimedes principle states that a body immersed in a fluid experiences a buoyant force equal to the weight of the fluid it displaces.Food for thought, something you can think about in one of the above mentioned places.

"How can I pretend that I don't see what you hide so carelessly."

I had a really weird dream last night, weirder than usual I must add. Usually, I don't remember my dreams( somehow I only remember having them) but this particular dream sort of left me with a lingering feeling, feeling of loss, of misplaced identity. It's weird that dreams though being highly imaginative leave you with such realistic feelings. After I woke up I tried hard to shake off the feeling, obviously because it was insane to think about something that never happened. And then it hit me, my dream was someone's reality. Someone I did  not know, someone who had to face this loss on their own, someone was going through this feeling and did not have the luxury to shake it off, but live with it. 

Losing someone or something almost always buries in us a seed of pain. A seed that flourishes within you if not dealt with appropriately. There's a lot we can learn from painful experiences, some of which ride on the happiness of other people. 
Pain sort of hardens you, provides you from immunity towards issues that bothered you earlier, because somehow now these issues seem so little compared to what you are going through. Some of us get so used to it that we begin to consider it normal, just like our eyes adjust to darkness once the lights are off, similarly we make ourselves comfortable within the lairs of sadness, pain and darkness. Most of us however, want it to stop, want to take what we rightfully deserve but somehow cannot seem to take the first step. To get out of any painful experience you need to break the shackles, the shackles of insecurity, contempt for self and low self esteem.

It's important to know yourself, to know who you are and what you deserve. Self worth is very important, because there are many people who feed of your pain. Sadism, as much as we deny it, exists in each one us in varying quantities. Sadly, it makes sadistic people happy seeing that someone is doing worse than they are. How it by any means make their pain easier I have no idea, but if they weren't sad in the first place they wouldn't inflict it on another is essential to notice.

Somehow depressed people unknowingly spread their malady.You know how they say that when you are really depressed and sad you must talk to someone about it, well I agree with it, but I think some people abuse this advice. Moping and telling your sad tales to someone constantly not only makes you focus on your pain even more, but now the other person feels as sad as you do. It's then like a disease that spreads rapidly and fast.

Most of us then opt for temporary fixes, like excessive drinking and smoking and blowing your life up into puffs of cocaine smoke. Doesn't the pain hurt you mentally enough that you now resort to physically hurt yourself? For how long does it make you feel better, definitely not forever, because you probably won't even live half that long. Doesn't that seem cowardly then? Your attitude screams that you don't care about yourself, your life much worse want to end it, but since you don't have the courage, you opt for an option that makes you feel good temporarily while it does its job.

Realistically, we may often be inflicted with pain that might not have a quick cure, hell it may not have a cure at all, that only means we have to find it in ourselves to be brave enough to live with it. To stare at it in the face and not flinch, no eye twitches and no disgust. But it must be within us, the determination; we must want to be out of its clawing reach. We must strengthen ourselves; arm ourselves with smiles, happy people and most importantly a positive attitude.

It never rains equally in all parts of the earth, every part of the earth goes through a different weather and the best part is it always changes.Remember.The sun faces the earth but its rays never reach every inch of the planet equally. However there is no city where light never reaches, no city where darkness never fades.Remember.

P.S. the worst kind of "normal" people are the ones who see a loved one or for that matter even a passerby suffering but decide to look away, for one reason or another. Let's not do that. Nothing is more important than your happiness. The more happy people, the more good energy they spread and the better the world. =)

Wrath of the Halo

Friend (with hideous amount of makeup on) : How do I look?

Angel: She looks amazing, tell her that.

Devil : Tell her she looks like a kid with face paint on.

You: You look great!

So there's a thin line between dishonesty and hurting someone. What do you choose? Often i find myself in such a situation and there's a constant fight between well, me and myself as to which side to pick. On one hand I am telling the truth and on the other hand I save someone from being hurt. Many times, when people ask me what do you think about so and so, ( I really do not know why such a topic ever comes up) especially people i particularly dislike, I end up siding with indifference. The most common reply to my indifference is that I am being fake. Am I?

Apparently I am. I am supposed to say what I feel and do what I like or else risk being called fake. Now let's imagine another scenario.

I walk into a shop where I find a ps3 CD that is totally out of my budget, but i really want it.

What I feel like doing : Grab the CD and run for my life.
What I actually end up doing : Sulk on my way home.

So now, there's also a fine line between happiness, which is doing what I want and sadness which is doing what is right.

I am in no way encouraging dishonesty, neither am I saying that you should say something on your friends face and something behind their back. But is it okay to laugh at your friends not so funny jokes even if it means your face muscles are cursing you? Is it okay to say that you love someone when actually the word love makes your insides cringe?

If I say I love you will it be enough or should I rip my heart out to prove it to you. Maybe a few comforting words will make you mine for a day and then we can go back to pretending we poisoned each other's lives. Are we ever completely honest with ourselves?
Doesn't' it happen that sometimes you are supposed to or even demanded to behave in a particular way that conflicts with your interests. Sometimes I find my own wants and interests conflicting with my abilities. This makes it even harder for me to make decisions, for me to decide what I truly want to do or want to feel like.
Sometimes part of me wants something while the other half demands the complete opposite. Is it because you left a part of you in me?

People who know me know how much I love food(especially seafood) but I think my nose eats food more than my mouth can take and even though I am really hungry my appetite gives up. There, even my stomach refuses to agree with me often than not these days.
What we decide to do in a particular situation often decides the path we take on, a path we must follow for the rest of our lives. Ultimately, all of us are aiming for perfection. Every one of us has our own definition of perfection. The perfect life, perfect story, perfect marriage, perfect kids, perfect job and on and on. Some looking for it, some trying to achieve perfection through imperfect means and some trying to own it.
Perfect for me is not being pretty, intelligent, charismatic or a combination of these. It's not something external, its something you must find within yourself. For me perfect is being completely honest with oneself without having to trample over the soul of another. Aaah. You wouldn't be a human then, would you? You'd be an angel.


P.S. We have a better chance looking for an angel than being one given the circumstances. Just saying. Also, thankfully nobody I know wears hideous amounts of makeup. Why do people do that to themselves, seriously!

Hush-a, Bush-a. We all fall down.

What is the difference between you and me? What makes us better or worse than another? What makes some of us brave enough to snatch away what we deserve, while the rest just sit in a corner, afraid that anything out of the ordinary done by them will bring about a change?

Change. Something surprisingly, most people fear besides God. It’s what I fear too but I’m so tired of these same boring, dry days that any sort of change is welcome. Change for me, good or bad will be a breath of fresh air. I've been waiting for it for 20 years now. So many of my friends were actually surprised that I write a blog, most didn't think I was the writer sort, given my rant about how I am so bad at writing and all which I still stand by. The fact is a year back I would probably not be able to write at all. It's a change that I did not anticipate either. That’s exactly what makes it so scary, the consequences. Fear of the unanticipated endings, the cold shoulders, the rejections. These are exactly the same reasons why people would prefer running away from the problem than dealing with it. The best way to make something disappear is to wrestle with it.

Change is inspired by two things, desperation or love, for me it being the former. Plus, I personally prefer desperation, it’s a stronger motivator. Desperate to bring about some changes in your life, desperate to feel differently. Most of the changes that I've encountered in my life are not something I've imposed on myself; it's always been imposed on me, changes I consider to be quite untimely. I've been quite unfortunate to have lost friends to distance. I wouldn't exactly say lost but they are not exactly where I want them to be. Go ahead, call me selfish.

 Losing a friend is a huge change. To find someone who'd deal with your nonsense and of course who you could bear as well, those are big shoes to fill in. Nevertheless, I've always found someone to fit into them, some more annoying than others. But these changes have helped me grow, literally. All the friends that I've made, each one so different from another and each one I can never imagine my life without. All except one.

However, I know quite a few people who have lost friends not to distance but because of changes in their lives. Agreed, lives change, people change, circumstances change but important relationships do not. Memories do not. If you've cut off relations with a friend just because your life has changed and you think you are more famous now(trust me you can never be famous enough for your friends they are still going to make fun of you)especially friendships that you've invested a lot in, then you have obviously not been reading properly. 

I might not be the same person today but what I feel for you will never change. There is something that needs to be fixed and I will get to it right away.

But every story has a villain; after all, there must be darkness for light to prevail. So if your friend is toxic and refuses to place their feet on the ground what must you do?

When someone yanks you out like a grey hair among the black you don't demand to be glued back. You move on. Just like the Helium filled balloons. What happens when someone unwisely lets go of them? They rise.

P.S. When I said some friends of mine are more annoying than others it was just a phrase I didn't mean it ;). And yes I have virtual fishes as pets that my cat keeps staring at, for those of you having trouble feeding them click on that tiny screen. 

Kiss of Death.

66. 66 days until my birthday. Isn't that also supposed to be the devil's number, bad day to start the countdown to my birthday. To be honest I'm not really the birthday type. I don't expect extravagant gifts and  surprise parties are a complete no-no. For that matter I'm not even an anniversary person or montheversary or weekeversary or whatever eversary people celebrate these days. By the way my autocorrect wants these words corrected, no offence to people who celebrate these uh well monthly or weekly festivals.

I don't think that the amount of time people spend with each other is in anyway proportional to what they feel for each other. Its quality not the quantity.

Anyway, this year I am looking even less forward to my birthday for reasons obvious to people who know how old I am going to turn. Marriage.

Now when exactly did marriage become a substitute for the word END. I was (and I am saying was because my opinion on this matter has changed considerably in recent times) not really allergic to this notion nor was I particularly fond of it. I never thought too much about it, well until now that my time is coming closer. See, it's sort of like old men talking about the END of their lives.

When I ask most of my friends what they think about getting married or settling down they actually moan. What I've also noticed is pity. Pitying people who are getting married way before us. Why? What you must remember is that I'm only talking from a girl's or must I say a woman's point of view. Men, well another day.

But this is important for men to read because the reason why women fear marriages these days, wait for it, is MEN!

The problem is that many of us have lives where we, I'm not going to say entirely, but we pretty much run our lives. We have our own friends, our college life or work, we sleep when we want to, we eat what we want to and talk to whoever we want. In short we do what we want to. At least, 80 out of 100 times.

Now when MEN come into the picture, things get complicated. You basically work the entire day, holiday is not a holiday if there's housework to do, remember.You cannot wake up when you want to, instead you wake up when he wakes up for work and you don't only eat but also have to make what he likes. Add to this few arguments about his mother/sister, *eversaries, shopping, vacations and friends. That to me sounds like the end of my life. Sigh.

All we want is a little bit of air of our own to breathe in. Now what that cloud of air refers to differs from girl to girl. But if anyone's asking me it's playtime on PS3, lots of time with my friends, don't worry about shopping I'll make my own mint as well as my own decisions and sometimes I'll cook bad food, just eat it! I don't plan on filling your mother's shoes I'm here to be your friend and expect you to be mine. Is that too hard?

P.S. Sorry for using numbers & mentioning words such as proportionality  my choice of major is responsible for this. Moreover, when i said friends it also includes my sister (because I do not want to fight any cold wars). Most importantly, when I said I don't expect extravagant gifts it doesn't include my friends. They are always  looking for excuses. And no offence to people who celebrate *eversaries we all need to be silly sometimes ;)

* - substitute with any kind of eversaries you indulge in.

Once Loved , Never Forgotten.

Gloomy Mornings. The ones that make you feel lethargic even when you've had a good 8 hours of sleep.  Somehow, how your morning goes determines what the rest of your day will be like. A good morning means a good day, or does it?

For me any morning that I can get myself to wake up from my bed with a purpose is a good morning. I know I'm in a rut when waking up in the morning is a chore unless of course it's 6 a.m. then it's a chore regardless of my mood. These are the mornings when I wake up asking myself what happened? When did spring turn into summer? When did it all wither away?

Do you ever wonder what withering flowers feel like? What they must feel when they see beautiful blossoming flowers. Flowers that even if found on the ground are worth picking up and placing in a vase in someone's home or even better become a part of a colorful garland. What they must feel when the same people trample on them without feeling the slightest guilt. Sometimes people just walk away and they never look behind, never look down. Hah. Degrading self pity.

The last person you should pity on this earth is yourself. It either takes you on a self destructive path or destroys people around you. There, I think that’s what happened. Caring about people that don’t care about you, a form of self pity. Guilty.

Summer might be more bearable if you keep thinking of winter, if under the heat you imagine you are actually covered in snow and not dripping in sweat. Why do people even say that, is it normal to be in denial and to not accept the situation you are in, instead we ponder over our past hoping it will make us feel better. Often, I find myself taking solace in this world of denial. Here everything works out just the way I want. Problem is there’s always that one realistic person that comes along to burst my bubble with their huge pin of advice.

The road that I’m standing on, there’s a strong wind. A wind that keeps dragging me to one place. The place where my cup of hope is filled to the brim every time it’s empty. 

 P.S. Don't forget to feed my fish =)

Because a paper bound diary is no more trustworthy.

Vacations. I blame it on them. They force me to do things that i would not do otherwise to save me from boredom. Usually i place my thoughts in a small hidden corner of my laptop but i need an audience, more so a hobby. I also need an editor if anyone wants to help.

Of all the mediums i could use to cure me of this disease- and by mediums i mean singing, dancing and painting, I chose writing . Not because I'm particularly good at it, in fact of all the things I've mentioned above I'm probably the worst at writing. Most of my friends will probably find hundreds of spelling and grammatical errors, which will nevertheless be appreciated. I chose writing because I need a reminder.

Everyone needs a reminder. Reminder of their past, of people known, cared for and then lost. Songs are pretty strong reminders, so are smells. I want it to be my writing. I want to look back years from now and feel these same things again through my words. I wonder what my reaction will be like. Laughter, tears or maybe I’ll be too busy to care. I hope I am too busy, it’s something I’m working on. Hardening up, getting a thicker skin, accepting the harsh realities and moving on.

Suddenly, I am really aware of myself. The feeling you get when you talk to someone for the first time. Maybe just like everyone else I will take time to open up.

It’s like writing a blog is a sane way of saying I talk to myself.

P.S. I've been holding myself back from typing in my normal chat slang. I am particularly itching to type LOL in a number of places. My itch is a  little satisfied now. LOL.