Cultural Infestation.

When someone tells me that so and so is beautiful my brain automatically forms an image of a pretty girl with nice flowing hair, fair skin, thin with shining eyes and a glowing smile. My mind is programmed to think so, I'm sure all of us are. Never have I substituted beauty for a young girl with a confident smile, courageous eyes that show that they've been through enough pain, smile that exuberates modesty and intelligence that promises a great future. 

Why am I suddenly realizing the error in my ways, trying to uproot what has settled so firmly in the very core of my being?

Very recently my mother and her aunt arranged a proposal for her cousin brother. A cousin brother who according to them is quite the eligible bachelor. So after asking around they found a girl who according to the word of mouth (otherwise known as the written word) is doll-like. I am going with present tense because I have not really seen her to pass any judgement. So the whole family and when I say whole you must imagine a room full of people set out to examine and judge the doll. 

This aspect of arranged marriages makes me cringe where the girl dresses up, cakes up half the world's makeup and plasters a less than natural smile on her face. The boy's family arrives, leaves the should-be couple to talk for as long as they want while they sit outside interrogating and making up awkward questions.  
So they finally leave and on their way home pass the most snide and rude comments ever. I know and I'm sure you do too because so many times we've either heard them or unfortunately even been a part of these conversations. 

The end result of this entire setup was just a comment. The girl is darker than she appeared in her photograph and too thin with no figure and personality. Apparently she wasn't as doll-like as previously suggested.

No offence to anybody but God in my perspective. It's like you put in so much effort to make something and someone less than ordinary comes along to criticize your work.

What angers me though is that beauty has somehow attached itself only to the physical aspect of a person and the only aspect to be considered when you meet a woman. I am not saying that we should give up on looking good. No! In fact we should all make an effort to look good because it undoubtedly boosts our confidence and let's face it people do look at us differently. 

According to me people who make an effort to look good and dress well are generally happy and positive people compared to people who just pick up their stinky clothes found under the bed and walk around with unwashed faces and last nights eating overdose still decorating their cheeks ( we all do this when we are depressed, don't we?)

In addition to looking good you spend considerable amount of time building up good character and a great life and someone comes along criticizing you for things beyond your control like skin color and metabolism, well just be glad that you did not end up with them!

 I've also seen people criticizing brides when they come for their wedding. Oh your lipstick color is disgusting, your dress color is so light, your makeup is too heavy or your hair is too made up. 

Even men are not spared on this day. Oh the poor girl did not deserve such an ugly man! Its like a rose and a cauliflower, do not make a pair. Though I must say that men take criticism much better than women especially when it comes to a beautiful face.

The word ugly is dispensable and depreciating. We think that we are just whispering to our friend or  telling our relatives what we honestly think of the girl. But remember the word of mouth travels faster than any mode of transportation available to us.

If you are not attracted to someone it's fine, say so but pointing out flaws and discussing them with other people is just evil. 

A compliment on physical beauty is the greatest confidence booster and sometimes a motivating life changer. An insult on the other hand shuns people into the deepest pit of depression surrounded by low self esteem and self worth. And I've literally seen this happen, people's comments lead a nice girl into marrying the first guy that comes her way irrespective of anything in order to escape any more shattering comments.

The organ in our body that does more harm to others than good is our tongue. So let's use our words to make lives beautiful and not to torment others. 

Besides what attracts us to someone is beauty enough whether it's physical or emotional. When you really like someone it's anyway hard to pinpoint the reason why and I would hate to have only pretty face as a plus point to talk about.