I always fear for myself. Worrying that tomorrow I might not be as happy as today, won't wake up to the glowering sun shining in my face. What if I end up living the rest of my life with someone I cannot love or worse with someone who does not love me? Will these fears ever leave my bedside for if I am looking for freedom in its true sense then I must let these fears go, ride away in the darkness with all that inhibits me.
It's hard for me to pinpoint the exact reason as to why this particular emotion, love is so important to me. I feel like I'm walking and this person comes and stands in front of me so I move right and the person mimics my steps and blocks me again.
I flashback to when I was fourteen young and naive, oblivious to strong feelings in fact I found it funny, to be in love crazy enough to let your sights wander from your actual aim whatever it might be. I still find it funny, absurd and silly most of us do and yet we allow it to manifest within ourselves. Keep chasing after it in reality and in dreams. Though the idea of love in reality seems quite unreal. A realist is hardly ever a romantic and love hardly ever a reality. Love's probably an extension of dreams maybe even a prequel but definitely not reality, it feels surreal and once it's over you scramble to hold onto the remains to assure yourself that it did happen.
Reality is too mundane to be associated with love and love too heart wrenching to be called a dream so we are caught up in between fighting to be free.
P.S. I blame it on Before Sunrise and Before Sunset, movies that carry sweet melancholia on their back. Must watch.
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