I keep questioning myself everyday as the morning peels away to show the darkness within. I want answers to questions I already know hold no meaning. The meaning died with your parting footsteps, the slam of the phone, the pain that comes with rejection. The pain I felt years ago, the familiarity of which refuses to leave me alone.
The clutter of confusion surrounds me and I find peace in it. Peace in knowing that my life can take whatever route it pleases. Peace in the unknown, the unseen and the unfelt. But the feeling of hands trying to desperately clear the mess so I can see clearly, causes me much unrest. They refuse to accept that in this chaos is the map to my next destination, the journey to which is mine alone.
These baby steps I take are often clouded by the mirage of you. And every now I then I fool myself into believing in its reality. I want to make you stay and that is when I snap out of it, the sound of the slam ringing in my ears.
How can you proclaim to know someone when you know yourself much less? Is it even possible? How can you make promises when you don’t even know if you are capable of keeping them? How can you call it love, when you have nothing to compare it against?
To never love until you know yourself, to never hate until you know them well. Criteria we never fulfilled.
The scattered beads of unrequited love covers every inch of my soul. And on days like these my bed seems like a better place to stay in...