I keep questioning myself everyday as the morning peels away
to show the darkness within. I want answers to questions I already know hold no
meaning. The meaning died with your parting footsteps, the slam of the phone,
the pain that comes with rejection. The pain I felt years ago, the familiarity
of which refuses to leave me alone.
The clutter of confusion surrounds me and I find peace in
it. Peace in knowing that my life can take whatever route it pleases. Peace in the unknown, the unseen and the
unfelt. But the feeling of hands trying
to desperately clear the mess so I can see clearly, causes me much unrest. They refuse to accept that in this chaos is the map to my next
destination, the journey to which is mine alone.
These baby steps I take are often clouded by the mirage
of you. And every now I then I fool myself into believing in its reality. I
want to make you stay and that is when I snap out of it, the sound of the slam
ringing in my ears.
How can you proclaim to know someone when you know yourself
much less? Is it even possible? How can you make promises when you don’t even
know if you are capable of keeping them? How can you call it love, when you
have nothing to compare it against?
To never love until you know yourself, to never hate until
you know them well. Criteria we never fulfilled.
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